[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Oooh yeah! ♪
♪ Who can I call When I want some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats Right on!♪
♪ They're stepping out crime
And you know That ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche
He's the leader of the bunch That's right♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Make a heck of a lunch♪
♪ Little Polly Esther
Who's never afraid That's me♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade ♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovy♪
A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets knocked down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're so bad Ta Da♪
♪ They got more fur than any turtle ever had♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than dirt Stronger than dirt♪
♪ If you step on their tails Get off my tail!♪
♪ And you're gonna get hurt Don't hurt me♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town♪
♪ Three, two, one♪
♪ Pizza Cats are on the run♪
♪ The Big Cheese Is the villain
Who's lower than low ♪
♪ It's a rotten shame
He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird
And some nasty ninja crows♪
♪ As soon as someone finds the script
We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back Pick up your feet♪
♪ Turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want the full effect
Go eat a pizza pie♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
[narrator] A night like any other
except that a meeting of Little Tokyo's
nefarious clan of no good
is getting underway
in Big Cheese's private movie theater.
Get your peanuts, popcorn,
vitamin pills, steroids,
tofu burgers.
If we're going to see a movie
I have to have some popcorn.
Over here vendor!
Why don't you try
a tofu burger instead, Big Cheese?
Then I won't have to listen
to your incessant munching
throughout this important meeting.
[Big Cheese] What's a movie without popcorn?
Besides, tofu gives me gas.
What's so important about this meeting, anyway?
No one seems to be paying any attention.
What we are about to show you
is vital if we are to survive
against the exploits
the Pizza Cats.
I hope it's entertaining.
If you want entertainment go see the Little Mermaid, boss.
This movie will give you an education.
The Pizza Cats defeat us at every turn.
You have to admit we're trying though, won't you?
We have to try harder
against those fur balls.
That's why I personally directed this movie.
Using this miniature camera
I picked up cheap downtown.
I stashed it in this robot butterfly.
We'll study the footage,
find the Pizza Cats weak spots
then destroy them.
We'll find their weak spots and destroy them.
I just said that.
[clears throat]
Stifle it, you creeps!
You're about to see
a highly informational documentary.
Those of you who can write should take notes.
Please hold all applause
until the end of the picture.
Stop that chewing!
[movie's opening music]
How'd you get a lion to do that?
[Bad Bird] Tonight's film stars
our beloved leader, Big Cheese.
The fierce and fearless Bad Bird
and was directed by our resident
genius, Mr. Jerry Atric.
A Flying Skull production.
[roaring]
[suspenseful music]
[screaming]
-[laughing] Nice going-- -Bad Bird.
What's that? Who's calling?
Speedy Cerviche samurai Pizza Cat.
When will you learn that good always triumphs over evil?
Oh yeah? Tell that to Jack Nicholson.
[Speedy] Our audience roots for the good guys.
[screams]
That's a bunch of hogwash.
[Speedy] Oh no, it's not, Blunder beak.
It's the Pizza Cats the kids go around imitating.
We have fan clubs all over the world
and our toys out sell yours two to one.
And when it comes to the cartoon business,
Money talks!
That's the biggest tub
of stale kitty litter I've ever laid my ears on.
You'll pay dearly for what you've just said!
Attack immediately!
[roaring]
Let us scrutinize these toxic tabbies first.
The wildly wielder of the magic Ginzu sword
is Speedy Cerviche.
He stands three feet tall
weighs 30 pounds
and is a fanatic about personal hygiene.
Guido Anchovy may look like Mary Poppins
with that umbrella, but he has fits of iron,
nerves of steel and a tin ear.
But he's got a heart of gold
and a clanking brass personality.
Polly Esther has a sweet exterior
and petite physique.
But watch out when she flashes
that ten dollar manicure of hers at you.
Hmm.
You know what fellas?
Those three are getting all the close-ups.
I think we need a new press agent.
Hmm.
A samurai sun spot will take care of that dragon.
Gotcha, Speedy.
Right. Eat my heat!
[Speedy] Great day for a barbecue.
Anybody bring ketchup?
What cheap theatrics.
[Bad Bird] Ninja crows attack!
A Flying Skull production.
Ninja crows, watch this.
[Speedy] Peekaboo!
[moaning]
Oh boy, oh boy, what's happening?
I don't know!
Let's see a little samurai disco dancing fellas.
[screaming]
Golly, I'm good at this.
Maybe I should open up
a Fred Astaire dance studio.
[Bad Bird] Excuse me,
it's time to say; a Flying Skull production.
[growls] I'll handle this situation!
[Polly] Have no fear citizens of Little Tokyo.
It's Polly Esther to the rescue!
[screams]
Gracious, she's rather loud, isn't she?
What's that?
-[Jerry Atric] 3D glasses. -Oh.
They make movies more fun to watch.
I got them free at the local grocery store
when I went in to buy a bag of birdseed.
Go on, give them a try.
Oh, how exciting.
[screaming]
Gracious! This is too realistic.
[Big Cheese] What's she up to now?
[screaming]
Sigourney Weaver move over.
Little Polly's here!
[Polly] Have a hardy helping
of passion power, boys!
[screaming in fear]
You boys need a hand?
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
[laughing]
I'd love to get the name of her manicurist.
Bad Bird!
Sending this big fool clog hopper
to do your dirty work intensifies my anger.
[Speedy] Just to remind you, gentlemen,
even though we've heard it again and again
from that idiotic narrator
who pops into every episode ever so often,
when Speedy Cerviche gets really miffed,
the full fury of his magical Ginzu sword
is unleashed.
Are we taking notes out there?
[laughs]
[energetic music]
A double whammy!
3D makes it look more life-like, huh?
Are you trying to kill me
with these glasses or something?
Something wrong, Seymour?
I'll say there's something wrong.
I've been scratched, nearly fried to a crisp
and don't call me Seymour!
[Bad Bird] We will now examine
the samurai Pizza Cats'
unique method of transportation.
[Francine] Ladies, gentleman and happy campers,
I'm about to launch the Pizza Cats
so better scamper.
If you got the munchies
we've got no fresh dough ready.
So don't order pizza just order spaghetti.
And remember, the white zone is for loading
and unloading only.
Here goes.
[explosion]
Isn't it nice the way he lights up
the night sky?
Yeah, but you'd think he'd drop
a coupon for a free pizza
-once in a while. -You gotta pay for everything
in this town.
Who are those two?
We're not sure,
but we think the big mamma's
a spy from another television network
and the little guy is a test driver for Mitsubishi.
Hmm.
But never mind them,
we suspected that this pizza emporium
is more than just a place to get heartburn, remember?
It's their base of operations.
Watch this.
Now that we've done in the bad guys
let's have some fun!
[screaming]
Is that what he means by fun?
He's just catching sushi.
Let's go back to home base.
I'll share a meatball sandwich with you.
We were right!
Now that we're sure the emporium
is their base of operations
we can attack it.
Hey, we can per line all their ingredients
and make our own pizza.
I'll rather stick to birdseed if you don't mind.
[Speedy] Hey, wait for me!
Make a note not to let these three
run in the Little Tokyo
marathon next month.
Those three won't be able to run
for a taxi when we get through with them.
[laughing]
[Big Cheese] Say, what's going on here,
didn't we see this already?
Sorry, we are experiencing technical difficulties.
Jerry!
[anxious] Fix it! Fix it!
Right now!
I guess the film must have broken
in the projector.
Don't get excited
We'll have it fixed before you know it.
I am not excited! Do I look excited?
I'm perfectly calm!
I've been informed that the projector's fixed.
So now that you finished your anxiety attack
we can continue watching.
It wasn't an anxiety attack.
It was a temper tantrum.
Part two, fasten your seat belts!
[laughing]
This flying fleabag
with a handlebar mustache
and carburetors, is General Catton.
[screaming]
[fast paced music]
[gasping for air]
The cat's called general Catton
but we threw them something
that's too hot to handle.
I have not yet begin to fight!
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Wow, two clichés in a row.
General Catton is a ammunition's expert.
He is also a part-time interior decorator.
[screaming]
In this highly critical situation
there's only one thing to do
and this is the way to do it!
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
[explosion]
[Bad Bird] That was when we tried to turn princess Vi
into an unemployed dentist
during the Little Tokyo art festival.
[gasping in amazement]
[Big Cheese] A marvelous plan which you continued to botch up.
You can say that again.
There are three more members
of the Pizza Cat rescue squad.
The first one is Spritz T Cat,
the T stands for 'the'.
You rang?
Do your thing.
[screaming]
As you can see,
Spritz can do some potent things
with water.
Next we have Meowzma the mole cat.
Some people say he's sharp,
but I say he's boring.
Okay, where's the bad guys?
Let me at them.
[Pizza Cats] Look behind you, stupid!
[screaming]
[laughing]
Those guys look at stupid as you two bird brains
have looked lately.
[laughing]
If you want to see stupid, look in the mirror.
Don't think I didn't hear that.
Now back to our movie.
Ready for our Little Tokyo tornado!
Why you let that brute
just twist you around his little finger.
I guess we did get a little carried away.
A Fly Skull...
Eh, skip it.
The final source of inconvenience
in General Catton's trio
puts on a cheesy pair of wings
and a helicopter propeller
and calls himself Bat Cat.
That moron's are doing some heavy remodeling.
[yells]
This is taking urban development too far.
[laughing]
[Bad Bird] Jerry, Seymour,
I just had a brain storm.
[Big Cheese] Hmm, I thought I smell something funny.
I've discovered the Samurai Pizza Cats' Achilles heel.
Never mind their Achilles heel,
have you discovered their weakness yet?
We've never seen the cats flying on their one, right?
Hmm-mm.
The Pizza Cats' weakness
is they don't have the ability
to fly under their own power.
So it's a simple job
of launching a sneak attack
on them from the air.
Oh, a totally stupid idea
but it may work, as long as we neutralize Catton.
Ah, I have the solution
to that problem too.
We call upon our own friends
the four feared fighters of the dark.
You mean the fabricated four?
-Uh-huh? -Hmm.
What's the matter? Don't like the idea
because we came up with it instead of you?
No, no, it's not that.
I thought I was supposed to be the star of this show.
Now as you know, I've appeared
in many amateur productions
both here and in the provinces
but I've been watching
this movie for 20 minutes
and there's not one scene,
not one second, not one frame
in which my talented
countenance appears.
Come back boss, we're just saving
the best for last.
You're in all the remaining scenes.
Do I chew up the scenery?
You even swallow it.
Start the projector.
In this scene we capture you
preparing for your high school reunion.
Let's take a peek at whoever ordered this pizza.
[chanting]
This is where I first suspected
they couldn't fly under their own power.
I have your pizza.
Oh, thank you young man.
Unnamed sources
informed us this was Speedy's first kiss.
[gagging noises]
What is this?
Hey, what's that guy trying to do,
poison me or something?
Big Bird is eccentric,
I strongly suggest you humor him
unless of course, you want to blow our cover.
[groaning angrily]
[explosion]
[Bad Bird] Yes, we've captured you
in some of your most dramatic moments.
This next scene my very well
stand as one of the most electrifying
moments in cinema history.
You two really work well together.
[angry groaning]
We blew it! We blew it!
They slipped through our fingers
and it's all your fault!
Calm down, Seymour.
Don't get excited.
[Jerry Atric] Remember your blood pressure.
[explosion]
[Big Cheese] Here. You dropped your hat.
Today just isn't my day.
There's that magic moment
when the camera captured you
rehearsing your famous
Geisha girl act for the Elk's convention.
[casual music]
Oh, I think I need a little powder
I'm looking ashen in the jowls.
[cawing in disgust]
That does it! You made me look
like a goonie bird in these scenes!
I thought you came out very nicely.
You made me look like an idiot!
This is no way to treat a genius!
A ranked amateur!
I thought I was skilled!
Why I ought to!
Oh, you've got me starring
in my own rock video?
[Jerry Atric] It's not you,
it's the Pointless Sisters concert.
♪ Once everyone thought That we were square♪
♪ That we Weren't going anywhere♪
♪ But now things have changed ♪
♪ As you can see ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ I spent my days Just making meals♪
♪ Fighting crime and spinning wheels♪
♪ But now I sing my songs to you♪
♪ Oooh! ♪
♪ Songs are what life is all about♪
♪ Makes me want to scream and shout♪
♪ Because I'm as happy as can be♪
♪ Now, I just sing and make new friends♪
♪ They'll think that I'm the living end♪
♪ I hate to admit it but it's true♪
♪ Oooh♪
♪ We're the Pointless Sisters now♪
♪ So relax, don't have a cow♪
♪ When we're through Just clap your hands
We'll take a bow♪
♪ Pointless now!♪
[Bad Bird] We even had the heavy metal
Buddhas Priest open for them
in their Europe act.
[Big Cheese] Yes, then we loaded
the air-conditioning system
with anchovies and hamburger cheese
So the audience would build up
a subconscious aversion to the Pizza Cats
What an idea! What memories!
I must feel this with those 3D glasses.
[Big Cheese] What's this?
[screaming]
-Take that! -[screeching]
[explosion]
Sorry about that, Mr. Cheese.
Hey, Jerry!
Listen! I have an idea!
Watch this next scene very closely.
You pizza fleabags!
Feel the fury of Robopuss!
[Bad Bird] As you can see, we shot this at night.
Look at his suit. Look what he's doing.
He's removing a battery from his breath plate.
They must need batteries
to generate those super powers of theirs.
If you got one of those stupid little TV sets,
you'll know how quickly
batteries can run out these days, don't you?
So? What about it?
We adopt an attack at night strategy.
Make them chase us until their batteries run down
then move in for the kill.
[Jerry Atric] Yes.
[narrator] Yes, a night like any other,
except that Bad Bird has devised
yet another futile fiasco
that's got fluff written all over it.
Or does it?
Meanwhile our unsuspecting heroes
has just finished an exciting game of pea knuckle.
[unenthusiastic] You want to play another hand?
[narrator] They are always on the alert.
[yawning]
[narrator panics] Eh, always on their toes.
Ready to counter any dastardly design
brewing against them--
[irritated] Knock it off!
[narrator] Aw.
On the next
Pizza Cats!
[narrator] Settled with a warehouse full of
defective hearing aids,
the Big Cheese and Jerry Atric
come up with a diabolical scheme
to unload the unsound devices
on the unsuspecting citizens
of Little Tokyo.
They hire a rock band
called Rude Noise to play a concert
in an ear shattering plan
to damage the hearing of the audience,
and create an instant market
for their silent hearing aids.
That's the most despicable
underhanded thing I've ever heard
in my life. And besides, it isn't very nice.
[narrator] What's more is Cheese has another plan
to zap the power from the Pizza Cats
by using his patented Sunblock 16 robot
to block the sunshine over the Pizza Cats,
rendering their solar generators useless.
Will the Big Cheese succeed
in making Little Tokyo an unsound place to live?
Will the Pizza Cats survive
their power drain without having to pay a deposit
at the power company?
Will Rude Noise tire of their evil ways
and begin playing chamber music
at convalescent homes?
Find out the answer to these
and other important questions
in 'The Pizza Cats are only human.'
On the next Samurai Pizza Cats!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath:
The Pizza Cats are samurai
and I'd like to note,
their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed,
we never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So hail to the old Pizza Cat,
please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
we know you'll fight like
Pizza Cats!
[ending theme music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hope you liked the show
It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show!♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh gosh♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh yes!♪
♪ All over town!♪
[laughing]
♪ Two, four, six, eight,♪
♪ Why do we exaggerate?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ Read all the credits ♪
♪ So you'll know Who did the work♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪